A boundless ego, and the tears of a child: one man’s quest to be the most unlikable c**t

Alternate timeline

Lewis Hamilton poses in kilt in photo shoot to ‘make amends’ after mocking nephew for wearing a ‘princess dress’

Me: Didn’t quite catch that last part; can you repeat it…

Lewis Hamilton poses in kilt in photo shoot to ‘make amends’ after mocking nephew for wearing a ‘princess dress’

An incredulous Me: So you are equating the Kilt to a princess’s dress. Ah; right, I see.

And so, according to Lewis Hamilton, he wore the kilt to ‘make amends’ for berating a small child he had caught wearing a pink dress. In an interview with GQ Magazine, he spoke of his deep, deep shame and regret after posting the video wherein he yelled at the child the emotionally devastating line: ‘boys don’t wear princess dresses’.

The monster!

Small children, and culture! Is anything safe around this beast

And here’s how this whole fiasco went down, via British GQ:

“As well as wanting Hamilton to address the issue, we wanted him to appear on our cover either wearing something prominently pink or in something approximating a skirt or a dress. At the start of the year, when we found out that Hamilton was about to be appointed as an ambassador for Tommy Hilfiger, designing his own line for the brand, we suggested the idea to Hilfiger himself. Unsurprisingly, Hilfiger jumped at the idea, although Hamilton’s people were initially circumspect, worried that this would stir up the story again. As it was, when we suggested the idea to Hamilton himself, he loved it and set about designing his own kilt. He was aware he’d made a public mistake and he wanted to make a very public acknowledgement of this, obviously empowering his nephew in the process”

So, is wearing a Kilt really that much of a taboo? Is it something to snigger at and deride behind coquettishly covered lips? Is it so progressive and outlandish and bold for an Englishman to wear one, that it becomes such a huge statement towards inclusiveness and progressive ideology? Is that not in and of itself born of ignorance and prejudice; that for it to be believed to have impact, and weight, then the act itself must be considered taboo; otherwise, its just a prick in a Kilt.

Pictured: A prick in a Kilt

But hold on a minute, I seem to recall once punching a curry out of my pals hands; does that mean, by means of making amends for such shameful action, that I should then wear a saree? You know what, that makes perfect fucking sense. Its so clear now, that the right thing to do would be to equate the drunkenly assaulted curry with the wearing of a saree, right? I mean, both are enjoyed by the Indian people…

No, no; wait, that would be culturally insensitive, also, I’m a guy. A turban! Of course, a turban then! After all, people who wear turbans are apt to enjoy the diarrhea inducing gift that is curry, are they not?

What do you mean I’m being absurd; obtuse perhaps, but absurd? How is that any more absurd than Lewis Hamilton wearing a Kilt as a way to apologize to a fucking child who wore a pink dress?

No, Ill tell you whats fucking absurd, that that painfully uncool, try-hard little ponce Hamilton is equating the Kilt to a skirt, something inherently feminine, and all in one cringe-inducing photo shoot, complete with a whole heaping lack of self-awareness and irony; and in doing so, go on to ridicule an entire culture with his pseudo progressive apology. The imbecility of this little cool-kid wannabe is matched only by the hell of an ego he sports.

Also; did EDM really kill Avicii? That is the sort of serious questions that need to be answered here folks.

Cinead MacAlpin.