Special relationship

For a while now I’ve been rather curious about the whole rising conflict between the Alt-right, and SJW sub cultures. And whilst I don’t really follow American politics, it seems that the election of Donald Trump is one of the main catalysts behind all of this pointless posturing and rioting between those of differing political/social spectrums. So, whilst skimming through a couple of YouTube videos uploaded by both the Alt-right and SJW movements, and also visiting some of their numerous blogs and websites; I came across one in particular that really stood out for me. Now, I’ am of course a Scottish Scotsman from Scotland, and so, can be rather precious about Scotland. I also can’t suffer liars and Self-aggrandizing fantasists who promote misinformation and incorrect facts. Which is some of what I found in this particular website, in which the writer rambled on about England’s lack of self-identity, and how it could learn so much from America and how great America and England are, and how shitty every other country is, blah, blah, blah.

So, without further ado; below are just some of the statements and assertions made by the author (A notorious bigot, racist and homophobe) which particularly irritated me, and which I’ve cherry-picked for your, and my own, convenience; which, whilst not exactly providing context, should at least give you an idea of the general narrative of the post.

The absurdity

This is the country (Referring to England) of oxford and Cambridge, of the industrial reveloution-“

First off; Britain as a whole contributed, and initiated the industrial revolution; not just England. Even I wouldn’t be that much of a cunt to claim it was all down to just Scotland, even despite us having invented the entire damned modern world. Secondly; Scotland ranks consistently as the smartest nation in Britain, with higher ranked university’s than are to be found in England. Oxford and Cambridge are, undoubtedly, brilliant places of learning, yet your conflating them with somehow being superior, simply on account of being both well known, and inherently posh.

“It has a strong claim to the title of the worlds most culturally significant country in human history” He finished.

Ever heard of ancient Greece; the birthplace of democracy, mathematics, astrology, and enlightenment.

No offence to our brothers and sisters across the borders, but the welsh, Scots and Irish never shut up about their unique cultural identities and proud heritage. Yet what can we say wales or Ireland, or even, yes, Scotland, has produced that compares to the extrordinary majesty and accomplishments of England?” He then goes on to say.

Welp, heres just some things invented by Scotland: The steam engine, Bicycle, the television, the telephone, the pneumatic tyre, Tubular steel, the Thermodynamic cycle, Coal-gas lighting, the first iron–hulled steamship, the GODDAMN Special forces (SAS), the hot blast oven, the steam hammer, Wire rope, Cordite, Hollow pipe drainage, the mechanical reaping machine, Roller printing, the teleprinter, Modern Economics, Logarithms, the saline drip, the hypodermic syringe, Penicillen, the refrigerator, the flush toilet, the electric clock, and lastly, the percussion cap (Your welcome gun-loving America), to name just an infinitesimal fraction of Scotland’s inventions and innovations.

All that remains is to choose our anthem-a song we can reclaim from the racists and proudly sing wherever we go in the world, whether far-flung nations for global sporting tournaments, or Edinburgh for a friendly family kickabout. The time for shame about Englishness is over. So: will it be Jerusalem? Land of hope and glory? Whatever you do, promise me you wont vote for three lions on a shirt.” He concludes with.

Wow, okay; where to begin? Well, it is through no fault of anyone else that England seems ashamed of itself, and that it doesn’t even have a national anthem (Welcome to the club) but that’s England’s problem. No one is stopping you from choosing a national anthem; no one is forcing you to cringe at the flying of the St. George cross. Fly it proudly, but don’t rely on some overriding sense of Britishness to self-identify with, which is exactly what you have been doing this entire time. You’re English, fine. Be English, and fly your national flag instead of the butcher’s apron. No one gives a shit. Scotland doesn’t care; Ireland doesn’t care, and I’m sure many folk in Northern Ireland and Wales won’t care either. But it is your own fault that Britishness has subsumed Englishness. That is your own doing. And a problem only you can rectify. Though, I would suggest you try being a little less imperial and a little more humble in the future, for you really have nothing to go and shout about.

The comments

And now, down to the comments section, wherein, one man says: “Land of hope and glory was played as the national anthem at England matches at wembley in the early 1980’s. Flower of Scotland was only introduced as the anthem at Scotland games in the late 1990’s. It was only written in the 70’s

So what? Land of hope and glory is somehow superior then? Is England now automatically superior to Scotland, simply because it’s ‘anthem’ is older; is that what your insinuating? Well, first off, Scotland has no official anthem, but a handful of unofficial ones, for instance; Scots wha Hae, was written in 1793; whereas, land of hope and glory was written in 1902…

Do you see the flaw in your logic? Moving on; heres another incredibly deluded individual regurgitating falsehoods within the echo chamber that is this comments section; his is as follows: “Of course we already have an English national anthem, and it is Jerusalem. It is a triumph of the creative powers of two native geniuses, William Blake and Edward Elgar, is rooted in Christianity, and links us to the mystical beginnings of Christianity on these islands-Glastonbury. And it has a very English quirky and nonsensical feel

Wait, wait a minute buddy…what does Glastonbury have to do with ‘the mystical beginnings of Christianity on these islands’? Are you sure you don’t just mean England? After all, Scotland was Christian (and a country) long before your Anglo-Saxon ancestors dragged themselves out of their pagan, animal worshipping heathenism; as was Ireland; two countries, indecently, who are major components of ‘these islands’. But no, no, your right, and as ever; t’was England who ushered in the glorious enlightenment that swept across these savage and barbarous islands of ours. This is actually what English people get taught. They are that fucking deluded, and so far up their own arseholes, that the scent of fresh air makes them retch.

Sidenote: The song Jerusalem is about Jesus holidaying in Cornwall with Joseph of Aramethea, and then something about tin mines and evil mills, or some such fantastic drivel. Clearly, it has no historic roots within reality; yet the above commenter simply chooses to take it as fact, simply as it makes his country look interesting and significant. Though I will concede that William Blake was a pretty cool guy, who was all about peace and the love of your fellow man; he also drew the vision heads, which are cool as fuck portraits of ancient heroes and historical figures that he could apparently see, and who would sit and allow him to sketch them (Apparently).

Anyway, here is another comment: “Correct me if i’m wrong, but werent the founding fathers of Englishmen?”

No, not all of them. Thomas Jefferson, one man asserted? Half Scottish through his mother. Andrew Jackson? Son of poor, Scots-Irish immigrants (Scots who settled in ulster, before moving to America) Thomas McKean? Son of Ulster born Scots-Irish parents. Alexander Hamilton? Scottish father. John Knox Witherspoon? An honest-to-goodness Scottish born Scot. I could go on, but what’s the point? Basic ignorance is forgivable, and occurs when the person hasn’t read a history book; but willful ignorance? That is reading the book, and choosing to ignore the facts regardless.

Now, this one really fucking infuriated me; heres an extract: “The reality is, the British hate all things English, except for those things they misappropriate is British, such as Magna Carta and the bill of rights. The sooner we English get shot of the British the sooner we will prosper”

Eh, HURTFUL. Anyway, for the life of me; I genuinely can’t think of a single thing England’s ever invented or created, full stop, let alone that I would want to misappropriate, honestly, and this isn’t me being factious, or willfully ignorant. I simply can’t. Did they maybe invent the printing press; elitism; xenophobia? Who knows, anyway, let’s just focus on the two examples he puts forward as being misappropriated; the Magna Carta, and the bill of rights. The Magna Carta, what, who gives a fuck? It’s just a bit of paper of which i couldn’t even quote a single line; after all, it isn’t the Declaration of Arbroath, of which I could quote a dozen lines word for word; the very same document that heavily inspired the American declaration of independence no less. And then he mentions the bill of rights; an act passed by the English parliament in 1689, most of which is the parliament whining about James the II, limiting the power of the monarchy, and other awesome shit like that. And guess what, and again; who gives a shit? What relevance is that to me or Scotland currently? What is there to be proud of; a bill that tells your king to stop being so much of a dick? That’s so heroically awesome, man…

Sidenote: Scotland already has its own Bill of rights also: the Claim of Right Act 1689.


I shouldn’t take things so seriously, also; SOAR ALBA! The sooner the better.

Cinead MacAlpin.