The more you ken


Where to fucking begin? Just take a minute to absorb the sycophantic, jerk fest that is this poster. Look at the fantastically gaudy/tacky crown jewels of “England” and lose yourself in their wondrous majesty. Go ahead, I’ll wait, hell, whip a teat out and give it a stroke, I’m not caring, and if I’m honest, I can’t blame you, those are some sweet ass crown jewels after all, and the very same crown jewels that united this harmonic island of ours no less.

Ah yes, the English monarchy, they were the ones that made Britain, don’t you know? Old Maj and her inbreed spawn, aye, t’was them right enough, who rallied the kingdoms beneath the one banner, and t’was them who later unified the parliaments against the wildling incursions, and t’was them who aided Frodo in reaching the shire, and t’was them who rose up into the sky like a flock of majestic geese to be first to land on the moon, and t’was them who built the pyramids. All hail the English monarchy, and their many, many storied achievements towards the advancement of mankind. No? Me neither. But, back to the poster and its nauseatingly sycophantic bullshite.

Wait, you know what? Fuck it, I’ll let my man, Wikipedia, take it from here.

The Union of the Crowns (Scottish Gaelic: Aonadh nan Crùintean; Scots: Union o the Crouns) was the accession of James VI, King of Scots, to the thrones of England and Ireland, and the consequential unification for some purposes (such as overseas diplomacy) of the three realms under a single monarch on 24 March 1603. The Union of Crowns followed the death of Elizabeth I of England — the last monarch of the Tudor dynasty, who was James’s unmarried and childless first cousin twice removed.

The Union was a personal or dynastic union, with the Crown of Scotland remaining both distinct and separate—despite James’s best efforts to create a new “imperial” throne of “Great Britain”. However, England and Scotland would continue to be sovereign states, sharing a monarch with Ireland (with an interregnum in the 1650s during the republican unitary state of the Commonwealth and the Protectorate), until the Acts of Union of 1707 during the reign of the last Stuart monarch, Queen Anne.

So there you go, the posters clearly a load of shite, pure, distilled, liquid human excrement. Now, if there is anyone actually reading this, then you might be thinking that it’s just a quick and harmless cash grab centering on the monarchs birthday, and you’d be right. So well done, maybe you could once again whip out a nip and stroke it for me.

And while we’re on the subject of vomit inducing visualizations, this poster, is in itself, a vomit inducing visualization of the whitewashing of British history (British history meaning the history after the union of the crowns which includes both Scottish and English history) which is so prevalent in England. After all, how many of you know that Scottish highlanders were instrumental in ending the English civil war? Which was itself sparked somewhat by the civil war sweeping Scotland and Ireland during this early period in “British” history. Whereas up here in Scotland, were well aware of the roles that some Englishmen played in our history.

Quick, does the name Sir John Hynde Cotton mean anything to any English person reading this? (Don’t bother googling it, cause ill ken) if it doesn’t, then congratulations, you’ve just proven my point.


john hynde cotton english jacobite
This is the Scottish uniform worn by Sir Cotton, an English Jacobite, so as to be recognisibly in line with the Scots he fought alongside